On the Story of Faith(fulness)

(I wrote this 8 months after Erica Faith died)

Not too long ago, I felt complete. I felt with my hands full and missing nothing. I never saw myself like I was missing someone to hold or to hug. I was complete with the children God gave us. Two wonderful boys that filled my house with laughs, those boys that make me smile every time I see them. Those boys that are growing to be godly men.. O what a joy and satisfaction that is! I always teased that all I ever was going to be, was the "mother in law" because I had no daughters to "plan" the wedding with, but it was fine!, I was happy and said that I was going to spoil my daughters in laws so much so that I would be not just the dreaded "mother in law"... it was fine, really, It was a very happy and complete life, we were 4 in my house and 4 was great!

And then, I had the privilege of having a daughter with me for very little time, yet, I got to hug and kiss, to love and cherish, to fill my head with dreams and sweet memories that lasted but a short time... she was beautiful! And then, I became incomplete. I am now broken and part of me is missing. Part of me was ripped away. My heart is missing someone, my arms are empty still. I still miss my little baby Erica Faith. I have her face printed in my head, her little fat hands and soft cheeks...There is not one day, I do not think of her.

BUT, (I love this beautiful word!) As broken as I feel sometimes, I have to say, When I feel very low and very sad, there is always the love of my All Sufficient Father comforting me... it has been a blessing to know God's providence in our life. God's kindness and to see His strength sustaining me on those days that feel so deep in the dark cave of sorrow... yet, I can smile, I love to laugh (something I thought would not come back), I have my dear husband and boys to encourage each other. I see my kids persevering in the faith and my husband, holding unto our Lord. I am so blessed by them! I am the only image of a "girl" in their lives! (poor kids! hahaha ... there are many other women better than me for this job!, I fall so short, ..but that is another post) May I be a Godly example, may I reflect Jesus Christ even in my mourning and may we continue to trust in the future Providences that may come whatever they are, knowing that my days and the days of my family are in His hands. He owns us and He will care for what belongs to Him.. what a rest that is! So whatever may come, good or hard, I know will be the best.

He has truly showed me that we live not for today, we live for tomorrow's rest. When our Heavenly Father will hold us. And there by His feet I will weep my last tears... and He will trade them for joy. My best life now? Impossible! I look forward to my best life when I see my Savior. And while we are here, He gives me the grace to enjoy life, my dear husband (Victor), my 2 beautiful sons (Marco and Sebastian)... and I am so thankful for those mercies... waiting together the coming of our Lord.

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:10

My prayers are filled with tears. But not all are sad tears, many of those tears are grateful tears for having 3 handsome men around me :), so incredible blessed by the 3 in many different ways, my daughter safe in His arms. For having my sons walking in the truth.  For giving us the privilege to know Him in a way we never knew Him before, and to love Him more!

And I pray: Lord, come quickly! gather your people and hasten your return!